You know what happened. You’ve had the insight. You’ve said, “It’s not my fault” a hundred times. You’ve even meant it. But somehow, your body hasn’t gotten the memo. You still freeze when someone raises their voice. Still feel the drop in your stomach when a message is left on “read.” Still spiral into shame over things your brain knows weren’t your fault.

That’s the gap. The space between knowing and feeling. Between cognitive insight and embodied healing. And it’s one of the most frustrating parts of emotional growth — until you learn how to work with your body instead of around it.

That’s because healing doesn’t happen in your head. It happens in your body. And your body doesn’t speak logic — it speaks sensation.

When Insight Isn’t Enough

It’s frustrating, right? You understand your patterns. You can name the trauma, recall the moment, even explain your attachment style like a pro. And yet… you’re still triggered by something as tiny as a tone, a pause, a look.

We live in a very head-oriented society. Most of our work relies on cognitive skills — analyzing, planning, problem-solving. We’re trained to think our way through life, and for many situations, that works. But when it comes to managing our emotions, thinking can only take us so far.

Your head might say: “Yeah, I know I got triggered again. It’s because I was bullied in school. I’ll try to snap out of it next time, I’m sorry.” And yet — the next argument comes, and you snap again. That’s because insight alone doesn’t change the body’s reaction. Emotional responses live in the nervous system — and they don’t update just because you understand where they come from.

That’s the difference between knowing and feeling.

Knowing is reading the map.

Healing is walking the path.

And the path? It runs right through your nervous system.

Your Brain Gets It. Your Body’s Still Catching Up.

Healing is physical. Literally. It’s your body learning — slowly, patiently — that you’re no longer in danger. Your nervous system has memory. Not the “I remember what happened when I was 9” kind, but the my body flinches when this happens even though I know I’m safe now kind.

That’s called somatic memory.

It’s why your heart races before you speak up in a meeting. Why your chest tightens when someone walks away. Why you cry when someone finally stays.

You’re not being dramatic or “too emotional” (what even is “too” emotional?). You’re being honest. And while your brain may understand the logic, your body is the slow, loyal dog that needs time, repetition, and a whole lot of safety before it believes you.

What Healing Really Feels Like

Here’s the thing: real healing doesn’t always feel big. It often feels boring. Subtle. Quiet. It looks like taking a breath instead of shutting down. Staying present during conflict. Letting someone in, even just a little. Sometimes the biggest shift isn’t a breakthrough moment — most often, it’s a tiny one. It’s the pause between trigger and reaction. That’s progress.

So here’s something to try:

Right now, pause.

Where do you feel tension?

Don’t change it.

Just notice it.

And just like that, you’re already doing the work. And if your brain goes, “But why am I feeling this?” — you’ve already gone one floor too high. Trust your body. By listening to it, you’re already doing the right thing. No thought spirals required.

Feeling Isn’t a Flaw — It’s the Way Through

You just have to stay with yourself long enough. Tune in. Allow your body to feel. And eventually, let it learn that you can get through this — that you won’t break — so it can finally believe the story has changed.

References

Barrett, L. F. (2017). How emotions are made: The secret life of the brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

Clark, A. (2013). Whatever next? Predictive brains, situated agents, and the future of cognitive science. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 36(3), 181–204.

Hart, T., & Rosch, E. (2000). The power of feeling: Emotional intelligence and the education of the heart. Zygon®, 35(3), 625–636.

Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006/2021 Reprint). Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy. W. W. Norton & Company.

Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin.