For months, I woke up with anxiety. The moment I left dreamland and returned to reality, the alarm bells started ringing. I felt paralyzed. Getting up? Impossible. Staying in bed felt like the only option.

And because my brain was desperately trying to make sense of why I felt this way, it started spinning stories:

“That big event today? I’ll never get through it.”
“My to-do list is a disaster. I’m already behind.”
Or worse (and yeah, kind of embarrassing, but let’s be honest):
“What I said on that date yesterday definitely scared him off. I ruined it.”

And all of that before I even started my day. Actually — before I even got our of bed. Every. Single. Day. It was exhausting. During that time, I came across Dr. Julie Smith’s book “Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?” (The German version is literally called “Get up or stay in bed?”). You know how you sometimes pick up the exact book you didn’t know you needed? That was one of those moments.

Her explanation? The brain isn’t here to make you happy. It’s here to keep you safe. And if it even senses the slightest alarm, it immediately starts scanning for a reason.

Enter: deadlines, to-do lists, social uncertainty — the perfect snack for a worried brain.

Feelings aren’t (just) thoughts

Aside from those external explanations, there’s something else — something way closer to home: your body.

Sounds simple. And it is. I’m not talking about illness or chronic pain here, but about everyday things: hunger, sleep deprivation, a racing heart. It’s wild how much we try to understand our feelings with our minds.

We think:
“I’m anxious because I can’t handle what’s coming today.”
But very often, it’s the other way around.

There was a sensation first. Then your brain tried to make sense of it.
But not all feelings need a theory. Sometimes, they just need a little attention. A bit of space. A body that listens.

Your body speaks — before you do

Emotions always show up in the body first. Before you even think “I’m sad,” you might feel a lump in your throat. Tension in your belly. That heavy, slow tiredness that has sadness written all over it — even when you don’t know why.

That’s because your nervous system reacts in real time. It doesn’t wait for your thoughts to catch up (even though they’ll try to). And honestly? It does a great job. It picks up tiny signals from inside you (hello, interoception), scans your environment, checks against past experiences — and sends a message.

Not as a text.
As a feeling.

And your brain? It panics. It tries to explain. And if it can’t find an obvious reason, it will make something up just to keep you safe. If you’re looking for danger, your brain will find it — or imagine it.

What helps: feeling instead of overthinking

If you want to understand what’s going on inside you, don’t ask:
Why am I like this?
Start with:
Where do I feel it?

Is your stomach tense? Treat it like it’s trying to talk to you. Place a hand there. Or two. Gently move your belly. Sip some tea. Eat something small. No judgment, just care.

And if the tension is still there afterward, you can get curious about what else might be going on. You’ll be surprised how much of your emotional experience starts to settle not by analyzing, but by tuning in.

Healing happens in the body — not the mind

Yes, insight is important. But real change doesn’t come from understanding alone.
It comes from experience. From repetition. From safety in the body.

When your brain says:
“I’ve felt this before — be careful, you might get hurt.”
You can gently respond:
“Thanks for the heads-up. I know you’re trying to protect me. But first, let’s check what my body needs right now — before we jump to conclusions.”

Since reading Dr. Julie’s book, I’ve started waking up, thanking my body for working so hard (because yes, anxiety is a normal part of our survival system) — and then I go eat breakfast.

Because 90% of my morning anxiety turned out to be … just hunger.

And believe it or not: over time, my brain got quieter.
Even if anxiety feels permanent in the moment, your brain can learn.
Sometimes, it just takes a little time.

References

Barrett, L. F. (2017). How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

Critchley, H. D., & Garfinkel, S. N. (2017). Interoception and emotion. Current Opinion in Psychology, 17, 7–14. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2017.04.020

Nave, K. (2020). Wilding the predictive brain. Wiley Interdisciplinary Reviews: Cognitive Science, 11(6). https://doi.org/10.1002/wcs.1545

Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006/2021). Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy. W. W. Norton & Company.

Smith, J. (2022). Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? HarperOne.